Cancer seems like such a dark and hideous thing. It would be healthier to think of it as just a name assigned to malfunctioning cells. Something that has many different shapes and forms, with many outcomes, lots of them positive. But, still, I find it dark and ugly.
I know people who have concurred cancer, people who live with cancer, people who are dying from cancer and people who have died from cancer. When people battle and get better, it seems it could be positive. But it doesn't feel that way. For the people who live with cancer, I wonder if they feel that word is attached to them, like the cancer itself. A label stuck there, kept secret from strangers. A label that causes some people to feel sympathy, some people to act strange and other people to pull away.
Right now my heart aches because of cancer. My Aunt is very sick with it and has been "dying" for the last three years. She isn't surviving cancer, she isn't living with cancer, she is dying from it. The doctors told her three years ago that, with chemo, she would have six months to a year. She did the treatment and suffered through its consequences. I wonder, if the doctors did not give her a timeline, if she would have lived with the cancer instead. She has been so sick and her family has struggled with the lengthening time of loss. A loss of how and who she used to be and the future loss of her life.
Why. Why did the doctors give her an expiry date? Would her quality of life over the last three years have been different without this big, looming, "you should be dead" thing over her head and in the hearts of her family. Why did the treatment lengthen her life so long? Can it be too long? Is it wrong to wish her to be at peace and not suffering anymore?
Sometimes I wonder if what I am feeling is anger, but I think not. I think I am sad. I am sad for her, I am sad for those that help care for her, I am sad for her sons and grandchildren, I am sad for everyone who's hearts and souls are a little more tarnished with this dying from cancer. This ugly dark thing.
What do you think? Am I wrong for having these thoughts? How do you feel about it? What are your thoughts on this disease and its impact?
Monday, November 29, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Happy Halloween - Cheerful Pumpkin Tower
This was soooooo much fun. I got the idea off of a pumpkin carving competition on TV. I don't think I would win any awards, but I think its pretty cute. Not really all that scary, it has more of a cheerful vibe to it.
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| My pumpkin tower!! |
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Life Coaching?
I wonder, sometimes, what my purpose is. Now it seems that my purpose is to be the best mom I can be. To give my son the love and encouragement to become his best self. I don't think that is all of it though. There is a desire to help others. Since I was a teenager I have tossed around the idea of being a counsellor. A few years ago, I even studied psychology in University. Something I realized, though, is that I don't necessarily want the negativity and anguish that can come up. I don't really want to have to work through not taking on other peoples issues, I have had enough of my own.
Last year, I looked into coaching. A friend of the family and my mentor was nearing the completion of her own coaching training and I found it fascinating. Out of curiousity, I did the first training session with one of the leading coaches training institutes of North America. It was wonderful. My path led me away, though. I needed money and couldn't seem to get a contract (through my business) so I took a "job". I am very grateful that it worked out this way because now I am on maternity leave, which wouldn't have happened any other way. Funny how, if you are paying attention, you get the answers you need.
Now, I have the opportunity to begin exploring the option of coaching again. There is a program that I can take, after my mat leave is completed, that will both pay me and guide me in starting a new business. This way I can cover some of our living costs as well as get the best start, training and support possible. If I am working on starting the business and am going in a direction that will not lead to success, I expect the program will redirect me.
I will also need to complete the training for being a coach. I realize that I could start coaching with the training that I have so far, but I would feel more confident with it completed.
The thing that I like about coaching is that it is positive. It is like the step after counselling. The client has worked through the majority of their "stuff", or doesn't have much "stuff" to work through, and is ready for the next steps. It can help people experiencing a change, such as job loss, moving, completion of school, or becoming a parent. It helps people find their way in this change. It doesn't include advice or counselling, it is more like guidance, encouragement and direction.
My experience of coaching with my mentor was fabulous. It helped clarify what my passions, values and goals were. It helped me identify what my next steps were. It also helped me feel confident about the changes I was making. Not once did my coach say "you should do this" or "I don't think that is a good idea". She guided and had exercises to help me find my own way. That's what it is, the coaching helped empower me to find the best way for me.
I would love to do this for others.
We will see. I have often day dreamed about things and not done them. This is why I am starting to think about this and explore it now, 6 months before I would actually start the "self employment" training.
What are your thoughts on coaching?
Last year, I looked into coaching. A friend of the family and my mentor was nearing the completion of her own coaching training and I found it fascinating. Out of curiousity, I did the first training session with one of the leading coaches training institutes of North America. It was wonderful. My path led me away, though. I needed money and couldn't seem to get a contract (through my business) so I took a "job". I am very grateful that it worked out this way because now I am on maternity leave, which wouldn't have happened any other way. Funny how, if you are paying attention, you get the answers you need.
Now, I have the opportunity to begin exploring the option of coaching again. There is a program that I can take, after my mat leave is completed, that will both pay me and guide me in starting a new business. This way I can cover some of our living costs as well as get the best start, training and support possible. If I am working on starting the business and am going in a direction that will not lead to success, I expect the program will redirect me.
I will also need to complete the training for being a coach. I realize that I could start coaching with the training that I have so far, but I would feel more confident with it completed.
The thing that I like about coaching is that it is positive. It is like the step after counselling. The client has worked through the majority of their "stuff", or doesn't have much "stuff" to work through, and is ready for the next steps. It can help people experiencing a change, such as job loss, moving, completion of school, or becoming a parent. It helps people find their way in this change. It doesn't include advice or counselling, it is more like guidance, encouragement and direction.
My experience of coaching with my mentor was fabulous. It helped clarify what my passions, values and goals were. It helped me identify what my next steps were. It also helped me feel confident about the changes I was making. Not once did my coach say "you should do this" or "I don't think that is a good idea". She guided and had exercises to help me find my own way. That's what it is, the coaching helped empower me to find the best way for me.
I would love to do this for others.
We will see. I have often day dreamed about things and not done them. This is why I am starting to think about this and explore it now, 6 months before I would actually start the "self employment" training.
What are your thoughts on coaching?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Autumn
The fall is my favourite season. I love it when the leaves change colour, when you pull out the sweaters, when soup seems like the best choice and when squash is in abundance. I love the crispness in the air, and the storms, oh I love the storms.
Yesterday we took our little B to the dog park. It was Chase's first time. He was so cute. It was also precious when he noticed that Brutus was at the park to. He yelled, it was funny. As he noticed other dogs too, he became even more vocal.
After we went to the farmers market at got our pumpkins for Halloween (another of my favourites for fall.) It was so festive, they even set up a maze with corn stalks and hay bales, very cool. We got four pumpkins of all different sizes to go with the one we already had. They are very dirty from being in the fields, so they are still on my back patio.
The wind is blowing, the sky is gray and, some may think it crazy, I love it!
Yesterday we took our little B to the dog park. It was Chase's first time. He was so cute. It was also precious when he noticed that Brutus was at the park to. He yelled, it was funny. As he noticed other dogs too, he became even more vocal.
After we went to the farmers market at got our pumpkins for Halloween (another of my favourites for fall.) It was so festive, they even set up a maze with corn stalks and hay bales, very cool. We got four pumpkins of all different sizes to go with the one we already had. They are very dirty from being in the fields, so they are still on my back patio.
The wind is blowing, the sky is gray and, some may think it crazy, I love it!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Bummer
For the last couple of days I have been pondering over what to write in my blog. I can share stories of my little one. I can talk of nap time and its challenges. I thought of sharing my birth story, as it was certainly an adventure. The idea also came to share like I did with comfort, on gratitude. I wondered if I should have some structure for my blog, such as only mommy stories. So all of the time I could have spent writing in my blogging, I have spent contemplating what to write. Do all bloggers have this experience? Am I a blogger now?
Really, what is prominent in my life in this moment is my tummy issues.
For years, I had issues with my bowels. I was diagnosed with IBS, with the doctors ruling out all of the scary other diseases. There were numerous changes I made to my diet and lifestyle to try and correct the problem. In the fall of 2000, I did a colon cleanse. This is the only time in my life that I have successfully done a cleanse, usually it makes me sick and I have to quit. Anyway, the cleanse was successful. I started slowly introducing foods back into my diet. What I learned was that red meat was the trigger for my IBS. So, I cut out all red meat.
Eventually, all meat was removed from my diet and I became a vegetarian. I ended up adopting the vegetarian lifestyle, caring about the animals and their rights to a loving and peaceful life. I wore no leather. I used PETA certified products. All kinds of changes happened. It felt good. It felt right, for me. Now, to be clear, I was not vegan. Dairy was still in my diet (even though I am lactose intolerant, cheese is just too wonderful) and I did use products with honey and lanolin.
The best part of it all was that my IBS was gone.
So, cut to 9 years later. R and I are planning to start a family, and I start craving chicken. I ate some chicken, snuck it actually, like anyone would care. It brought back the IBS immediately. Oops. Then I got pregnant. Suddenly I really craved chicken and milk, so I snuck some more. This time no problem. Apparently my pregnant, hormonal self did not suffer from IBS. Yay!! Bring on chicken, turkey and pork. So much for those vegetarian ideals, straight out the window. Our midwives warned me that this would probably end either when I had the baby or when I finished breast feeding. So, I cherished it. With milk, by the end of my pregnancy, I was actually drinking over 2 litres a day. Maybe that's why my baby was 11lbs 3oz!!
Now, as of about 5 days ago, the IBS is back. The first two days, I was in denial. But then there was no doubt. Therefore, that is the end of meat. I won't go into the details, cause who really needs to read about that, but suffice it to say it has been a rough few days. Feelin' gross.
All I can say is damn. R's sweet and sour chicken smelled soooooo good last night. Bummer :)
Really, what is prominent in my life in this moment is my tummy issues.
For years, I had issues with my bowels. I was diagnosed with IBS, with the doctors ruling out all of the scary other diseases. There were numerous changes I made to my diet and lifestyle to try and correct the problem. In the fall of 2000, I did a colon cleanse. This is the only time in my life that I have successfully done a cleanse, usually it makes me sick and I have to quit. Anyway, the cleanse was successful. I started slowly introducing foods back into my diet. What I learned was that red meat was the trigger for my IBS. So, I cut out all red meat.
Eventually, all meat was removed from my diet and I became a vegetarian. I ended up adopting the vegetarian lifestyle, caring about the animals and their rights to a loving and peaceful life. I wore no leather. I used PETA certified products. All kinds of changes happened. It felt good. It felt right, for me. Now, to be clear, I was not vegan. Dairy was still in my diet (even though I am lactose intolerant, cheese is just too wonderful) and I did use products with honey and lanolin.
The best part of it all was that my IBS was gone.
So, cut to 9 years later. R and I are planning to start a family, and I start craving chicken. I ate some chicken, snuck it actually, like anyone would care. It brought back the IBS immediately. Oops. Then I got pregnant. Suddenly I really craved chicken and milk, so I snuck some more. This time no problem. Apparently my pregnant, hormonal self did not suffer from IBS. Yay!! Bring on chicken, turkey and pork. So much for those vegetarian ideals, straight out the window. Our midwives warned me that this would probably end either when I had the baby or when I finished breast feeding. So, I cherished it. With milk, by the end of my pregnancy, I was actually drinking over 2 litres a day. Maybe that's why my baby was 11lbs 3oz!!
Now, as of about 5 days ago, the IBS is back. The first two days, I was in denial. But then there was no doubt. Therefore, that is the end of meat. I won't go into the details, cause who really needs to read about that, but suffice it to say it has been a rough few days. Feelin' gross.
All I can say is damn. R's sweet and sour chicken smelled soooooo good last night. Bummer :)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
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